In Memory

Today would have been my brother, Gerald's, 50th Birthday. I really miss my brother. He was the best man. Gerald just "got" me (for the most part). I loved our long talks. I even loved his very high expectations of me. So, today, I will feel a lot sad. I will cry intermittenly throughout the day. I will console myself with herbal tea & a good movie (or book or both) - just like Gerald would. Most of all, when I think of the sorrow I feel. I think of this poem by W.H. Auden:

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public
doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Too many people I love have died. If you're reading this - I love you. Wrap those arms tight around yourself and squeeze - because you know I'd give you a great big squeeze if I was there with you.

Happy 50th Gerald. The void you left is nothing less than immense.