Changes

One thing about life that is sure is - it's sure to change. There are some changes that happen rapidly without any thought or without result of our actions - those situations or circumstances that are out of our control. There are changes made out of necessity (sometimes instigated by those uncontrollable circumstances). Then ... there are hard changes. Changes which make us uncomfortable. Changes that can hurt others; however, can be what one needs to do in order to grow. I am facing those changes.

For a number of years I've struggled with many decisions. I've struggled with the direction my life was going. Let's just say I've struggled. This is personal - something I'm not very comfortable discussing. It's something I've kept to myself and my "circle of trust" for the past year, but now - well, now I guess it's time to come clean. Regardless of my discomfort and desire to be - what? "Personal"? I need to let others know what's going on in my life.

I have decided to seek a divorce. Tracy isn't happy. I'm not "happy" - it's sad. I hate to see the children sad. I hate to see Tracy sad. I don't like sorrow - plain and simple. However, there are times when one needs to make these tough decisions regardless of the sorrow it may inflict upon others in order to find their own "happy". That sounds selfish. It is selfish.

For many years I have put everyone before me. Have mainly been concerned for their happiness and satisfaction. It worked for me for a long time, but ... here's a little secret - that's no way to live. To quote one of my favorite shows, Modern Family, "... it's called 'Mother's Day' not 'Martyr's Day". I was turning myself into a Martyr. Not good. Not good at all ... and if you know me ... so N.O.T. me.

Now I am making and facing many, many changes. It's frightening. It's exciting. I'm on a roller coaster of emotion. This is one of the most difficult circumstances I've ever experienced.

Here is what I am asking: Forgiveness & understanding. Perhaps one of the most difficult aspects of this break is our extended family. I LOVE all of our nieces and nephews, my brothers and sisters in law, the numerous great nieces and nephews. That extended family which is so fun, brings such joy, and makes me so proud! I want everyone to know Tracy and I do not hate one another. We are the same people - with different goals. I am and will always be part of the Montierth family. My children are Montierths and I never wish to NOT have any of you to love. I'm just throwing that out there - FYI.

Tracy and I have lots of decisions to make right now. They are difficult and emotional. We both need support and understanding.

I contemplated deleting the blog, but I think this experience can provide something educational (let's hope). Even if it's a "What NOT to do Guide to Divorce".

One thing you can be sure of - Tracy and I are dedicated parents. No matter what happens, it will be in the best interest of the kids. No questions asked. Those three munchkins will be just fine.